Alamitos-Marina Service Unit Title

Girl Scout Humor Page

How can you tell if you're over-involved in Girl Scouting? After a lengthy discussion on one of the large e-mail lists, the items on the attached link were proposed as sure indicators!

One of the things Girls Scouts are known for is Girl Scout cookies. We have a page of humorous cookie sale songs, although many of them are old and refer to cookie varieties no longer extant. (We're still taking submissions, if your troop has any budding singer/songwriters!)

Girl Scouting involves a number of terms not used elsewhere which can be intimidating to the new leader. As a help to new "volunteers", a glossary has been collected.

No collection of Girl Scout humor would be complete without a number of latrine stories. These were posted on the WAGGGS-L list, and collected by a Girl Scout volunteer from the San Diego area.

Check out the Guide Zone Giggle Patch

Translations -- the Leader said -- the Leader meant!

And we have some humorous songs and parodies:

(The items above were mostly submissions to the WAGGGS-L listserver.)



THE GIRL SCOUT LEADER SONG

(tune: Battle Hymn of the Republic)

I was glad to have a daughter 'cause our first child was a son,
I thought of all the ruffles, all the frilly bows and fun,
I thought of how we'd sit and talk at night when day was done,
Wasn't I the foolish one?

She was only turning six when they called me to the fore,
I said, I'm not equipped. They said, Oh yes you are, what's more,
We'll train you in the basics; we'll outfit you for the corps.
Then they shoved me out the door!

CHORUS:
Glory, glory I'm a leader
How'd I get to be a leader?
All I did was have a daughter,
Is this the price I pay?

They taught me to be thrifty, to be thoughtful, to be true,
They taught me to string beads like the noble Indians do.
I had to learn to dig a trench and how to use it too!
And you should taste the stew!

I had to learn to sing songs that I didn't understand.
I learned to dance the polka and to make a rhythm band,
To think of what to do and to forget what I had planned,
Oh isn't scouting grand?

CHORUS:
Glory, glory I'm a leader
Me they had to make a leader,
I can't even build a fire,
Let alone put up a tent!

We went walking in the woodland, my Girl Scout troop and me,
The handbook says that nature has a wealth of sights to see,
It's true we sure were sights, when they found us eventually!
And I do this for free!

I'm not meant to be a leader: I don't know which bird is which.
My hot dog sticks all burned up; we come home from hikes and itch.
The sit-upons all fell apart, I showed them the wrong stitch,
But no one wants to switch!

CHORUS:
Glory, glory I'm a leader
Hallelujah I'm a leader!
Tell me why I should be happy,
My dinner's always late!

But even though I grumble and I mumble and I shout,
Though there are days I wonder, What is the best way out?
I guess when all is said and done, there isn't any doubt,
I'm glad to be a scout!

CHORUS:
Glory, glory I'm a leader,
Someone's got to be a leader.
They can carve it on my tombstone:
Here's a girl who did her best!

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A Girl Scout Can't Be Beat!

(to the tune of the Battle Hymn of the Republic)

Eve, you know, was banished 'cause she didn't know her leaves.
She ate the fruit forbidden from a common apple tree.
Now if in nature study, she had more proficiency,
She might dwell in Eden still.

Chorus: Eve, you should have been a Girl Scout. (3 times)
A Girl Scout can't be beat!

Cleopatra reigned in Egypt down along the river Nile.
She was classy, rich, and famous, and she lived in regal style,
But she played with dangerous reptiles, even hugged the asp awhile.
She should have learned first aid.

Chorus: Cleo should have been a Girl Scout. (3 times)
A Girl Scout can't be beat!

Ann Boleyn of England was beheaded by her King.
As hostess, cook, and housekeeper, she was a stupid thing.
Too late she learned her lesson, and the axeman's ax did swing.
So England lost her Queen.

Chorus: Ann, you should have been a Girl Scout. (3 times)
A Girl Scout can't be beat!

Chicago is a city that once burned down to the ground.
Miss O'Leary left her lantern where a cow could kick it down.
She didn't know her safety, and the world on her did frown.
Miss O'Leary needed Suzie Safety.

Chorus: O'Leary should have been a Girl Scout. (3 times)
A Girl Scout can't be beat!

A woman long ago lived in a shoe, we're told.
She knew not what to do because her children lacked control.
Now, if she'd been a leader, she'd have organized patrols
And lived in harmony.

Chorus: Woman, come and be a Girl Scout. (3 times)
A Girl Scout can't be beat!

Our girls will never have the fate we read in history.
As Scouts they learn to meet the world, and life's emergencies.
So let us keep with Scouting and it's opportunities.
A Girl Scout can't be beat!

Chorus: Come with us and be a Girl Scout. (3 times)
A Girl Scout can't be beat!

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Counselors (Parody of Barges)

Out of my tentflap looking in the night,
I can see my counselors having a fight.
Silently flies a pillow through the air,
And there goes someone's underwear.

Counselors, I would like to fight with you.
I would like to hit you with my shoe.
Counselors, having secrets in your chest
Are you fighting at your very best?

Out of my tent flap looking in the night,
I can see my counselors - what a sight!
Curlers in their hair and cold cream on their face,
They look like something from outer space.

Counselors, I would like to be like you.
I would like to have some privileges, too.
Counselors, with your cookies and your Coke,
We hope they make you burp and choke.

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My Reindeer

Tune: Pomp and circumstance

My reindeer flies sideways, she's better than yours.
My reindeer can cha-cha, she can open up doors.

My reindeer is purple, yours is a pea green.
My reindeer's a Girl Scout, she can dig a latrine.

My reindeer wears p-jays, yours sleeps in the nude,
My reindeer has manners, your reindeer is crude.

Your reindeer uses fire starters, my reindeer uses *just one match*
Your reindeer gets chilly, mine wears a scarf and hat.

My reindeer wears a poncho, your reindeer gets wet.
My reindeer is healthy, yours goes to the vet.

My reindeer flies sideways, your reindeer flies upside down.
My reindeer is perfect. Your reindeer is *dead.*

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Forms

(a poignant ditty to the tune of Streets of Laredo describing our struggles with paperwork)

One day I decided to be a troop leader,
I talked to a lady and she said to me,
Take six or eight pencils and sit down beside me,
We'll fill in the forms just as quick as can be.

I sat down beside her and I started writing,
My poor little pencils were broken in two.
She ran out of questions, I ran out of answers,
I said to myself, Boy, am I glad we're through!

CHORUS:
Fill the forms sweetly, fill the forms neatly,
Fill the forms out and make copies of four,
And when you get finished, don't be too happy,
Just look in the mail, and I'm sure you'll find more.

Now I'm a troop leader and I have discovered
That there must be nearly three thousand or more.
I filled in Form eight - ten and fifteen - oh - seven,
And what in the world is a ten - seventy - four?

In final desperation, I went to the doctor,
My eyes were all weepy, my fingers were sore.
He mentioned the hospital, he took out some papers,
I looked at the forms and I ran out the door! CHORUS

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"She wears a G for Generosity" parodies

Contributed by Lissa to the Music, Songs, Stories & Poetry Forum of the former Girl Scouting Resource Center

The Leader version:

She wears a "G" for saying "Go to bed"
She wears an "I" for "Isn't it done, yet?"
She wears an "R" for ruining all our fun
She wears an "L" for "Let's do work, for let's do work"
She wears an "S" for "Scouts don't act that way"
She wears a "C" for crabbiness, for crabbiness
She wears an O-U-T for outdoor life, she's out of her mind
The leader we'd love to be, GIRL SCOUT!!

and, contributed by Amy to the same forum,

The Outdoor Version:

G Grubby fingernails
I Insects too
R Rolling Sleeping Bags
L Leaky Tents

S Scrubbing Pots and Pans
C Clean up too
OUT Outdoor Johns, Outdoor Johns

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"Leaders"

(another, very similar, parody of "Barges", contributed by Amy to the Music, Songs, Stories & Poetry Forum of the former Girl Scouting Resource Center)

Out of my tent flap looking in the night
I can see the leaders, boy, what a sight!
Curlers in their hair and cold cream on their face
They look like something from outer space.

Leaders, I would like to be like you
I would like to have some privileges too.
Leaders, have you cookies that you hold?
Do you share with Girl Scouts, Brave and bold.

Out of my tent flap looking in the night
I can see those leaders having a fight
Silently goes a pillow through the air
And here comes someone's underwear.

Leaders, I don't want to be with you.
I would probably end up black and blue.
Leaders, have your cookies that you hold?
Do you share with Girl Scouts Good as Gold

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Translations (the Leader said --- the Leader meant)

"Your daughter is the most enthusiastic scout I have ever known" - drives me nuts and doesn't let others get a word in edgewise

"Your daughter is a lovely, energetic scout" - child has been bouncing off walls

"Your daughter has given the troop some wonderful new ideas" - child hates camp, wants to sleep in hotels

"she loved observing animals at camp" - refused to enter tent until spiders had been banished

"gets along with everyone" - this one has never said anything at "Sharing Time"

"Perhaps you would like to join us on our next trip!" - I am never, ever driving your daughter again!

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And, for all you campers out there, a contribution to the WAGGGS-L list by Joan P., to the tune of The 12 days of Christmas:

On the first day of camping, my troop brought to me-
a scrub brush for the latrine
2 dirty skillets
3 logs to chop
4 cans of OFF
5 stinky socks
6 leaky buckets
7 slimy snakes
8 rusty saws
9 muddy boots
10 burned fingers
11 charred s'mores
12 bees a-swarming


  MY MOM IS A GREAT GIRL SCOUT LEADER

author unknown
(to the tune "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean")

My mom is a great Girl Scout leader
I know that she does it for me
I wish that I could get to see her
Please bring back my mommy to me!

Bring back, bring back, Oh bring back my mommy to me, to me!
Bring back, bring back, Oh bring back my mommy to me.

(Daisy)
I really love being a daisy
and making the new friends you see
I just wish my mom could be talking
Not on the telephone but to me!

Bring back, bring back, Oh bring back my mommy to me, to me!
Bring back, bring back, Oh bring back my mommy to me.

(Brownie)
They asked for someone who would lead us
Or no brownie troop there would be
So my mom said that she would do it
This took her time away from me.

Bring back, bring back, Oh bring back my mommy to me, to me!
Bring back, bring back, Oh bring back my mommy to me.

(Brownie)
It started with a training meeting
Training number two, number three
nuts, cookies and the sock hop
Thinking day and then QSP!

Bring back, bring back, Oh bring back my mommy to me, to me!
Bring back, bring back, Oh bring back my mommy to me.

(Junior)
She's learning a lot of new scout songs
And singing them to everyone.
Our house is filled up with strange craft stuff
She's starting to think this is fun!

Bring back, bring back, Oh bring back my mommy to me, to me!
Bring back, bring back, Oh bring back my mommy to me.

(Junior)
Her daughter gets no special treatment
Unless extra work means there's some
We're early as meetings are set up
And stay late 'til clean up is done.

Bring back, bring back, Oh bring back my mommy to me, to me!
Bring back, bring back, Oh bring back my mommy to me.

(Cadette)
Now sometimes it starts to annoy me
She's at every meeting, EACH ONE!
I know that I really should like it
but she sings in front of everyone!

Please take, please take, please take my leader from me, from me.
Please take, please take, please take my leader from me.

(Cadette)
We carry out many great projects
and to distant places we roam.
The troop thinks our leader's the greatest
But she doesn't follow them home!

Please take, please take, please take my leader from me, from me.
Please take, please take, please take my leader from me.

(Senior)
I don't want to sell any cookies
Or plan any more thinking days
I really just want to go camping
Why doesn't she see it that way?

Please take, please take, please take my leader from me, from me.
Please take, please take, please take my leader from me.

(Senior)
She's wearing her swap hat to Edwards!
She's got her scout pins on at the mall.
She's trying to ruin my whole life.
She's scaring away all the boys.

Please take, please take, please take my leader from me, from me.
Please take, please take, please take my leader from me.

(All -- seriously)
My mom is a great Girl Scout leader
I know that she does it for me
Girl scouting has added to my life
It's made me the girl that you see.

Thanks mom, thanks mom, you are a great leader for me, for me.
Thanks mom, thanks mom, you are a great leader for me.


  Scout/Guide "Wetspers"

(to the tune of "O Tannenbaum")

Softly falls the rain today
As our camp site floats away.
Silently each Scout (Guide) should ask
"Have I brought my SCUBA mask?"

"Did I tie my tent flaps down?
Learn to swim, so I won't drown?
Have I done, and did I try
Everything to keep me dry?"

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  Tell Me Why -- the Girl Scout Version

(tune: traditional)

Tell me why the bugs do bite?
Tell me why our fire won't light?
Tell me why our tents fall down?
Tell me why we sleep on the ground?

Because their hungry the bugs do bit.
Because the wood's wet our fire won't light.
Because we're lazy our tents fall down.
Because we're Girl Scouts we sleep on the ground!

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